In response to:
Not spiritual gifts, special prayers, good works, backsliding/once-in-faith-always-in-faith/confession, or anything else that gets argued about.

That my friend is a complaint of more educated Catholics - that some people do all those things you listed above and expect everything will be alright. Which is why your statement about eternal guilt as being part of being a good Catholic is actually a pretty correct one.

One should never compare himself against others and say, "I do this better". But rather you should look at others and see what they do morally well and try to emulate that action. Everyone (except for crazed psycho Satanic killers, etc...) has their inherent goodness, and has good points that should be emulated.